It's really kind of crazy how this keeps happening. How I keep waking up and falling back asleep. But I'm awake again and slowly feeling like I'm coming back alive. And, while I detest excuses, I think I've got a decent one. Losing my mother really knocked me for a loop. Not to mention I turned 40 in the midst of it all.
But excuse time is over!
I've mourned in all kinds of healthy and unhealthy ways and I've reached a point where I can tuck my memories of my mother into my heart and move forward with my life...those precious pieces of my mother always with me, wherever I go.
I've also made peace with the turning 40 thing....which is good since apparently now I'm 41. Every year...every year.
So, I'm not going to lie. Getting older is tough in some ways. Everything gets achy a lot quicker and it seems way easier to injure myself all of the sudden. But there are also some really wonderful things about getting older!
First, I actually feel pretty comfortable in who I am. No longer concerned with being cool or even making everyone like me, I finally accept myself as the quirky, nerdy, self proclaimed cool lady I am.
Second, I've finally accepted that my body will never be society's definition of perfect....and I'm so completely okay with that! I've actually decided that perfect is boring and I don't want to be boring. It really doesn't hurt that my husband adores me but I'd like to think that a nice little chunk of my confidence comes from years of learning to love myself as well!
Perhaps the best thing about getting older is recognizing that time is not limitless. As you watch the years go by, burying many way too young, you become ultra aware that time is finite. And suddenly catching up on your favorite series doesn't seem as important as engaging with the real world in a meaningful way.
When you become aware that you only have so many hours left, you spend way less time going through countless outfits, looking for the perfect thing and more time pulling on your most reliable tshirt and going to make some memories.
And the cornerstone to all of this is my wellbeing. While some people can get away with a lot more than I can, doing the right thing for myself is imperative to my being able to live the life I want.
When I don't feed my body the right thing (physically AND spiritually), I can't function at the level I need to function at in order to live my best life. When I don't work out hard enough to maintain my strength and endurance, I can't keep up.
As my mother constantly reminded me, "This is not a dress rehearsal."
This is it, this is my life. And I'm finally becoming fully engaged again. My eyes feel, literally, a little more open. I woke up this morning with an old energy that I haven't felt in a while. My inspiration is back.
Yeah, I fell asleep for a while but now I'm awake and I think this time I'll stay awake.
Comments
Post a Comment