149 Pounds vs. 275 Pounds

Post from 10/21/11 (I was down 126 pounds at the time):

For some reason, 149 pounds has been my magic number (ever since 199 stopped being my magic number). Something about being closer to 100 than 200 just makes me feel more feminine and dainty. lol

So, this morning, having finally hit this magic number, I have been pondering how being 149 feels so so different from being 275.

At 275, I was exhausted and spent my life doing the bare minimum.

At 149, I am (most days) bursting with energy and almost always up for a challenge.

At 275, I didn't want to go out and socialize, I didn't want to run into anyone I knew.

At 149, I love to go out and meet new people and love the prospect of running into old friends I haven't seen in a while.

At 275, I ate "naughty" foods in the privacy of my own home because I didn't want anyone to see the fat girl eating the stuff that made her so fat.

At 149, I would rather split a sinful dessert with a good friend in a nice cafe and make lots of "num num num" noises while I do it.

At 275, I tried to find the brightest, loudest prints to hide my weight. I tried not to notice the 2X on the tag as I pulled my overpriced plus sized shirt over my head and I often left the house feeling sloppy and horrible about myself in whatever I wore.

At 149, I open my closet and see all the cute, stylish WAY CHEAPER sz small & medium clothes hanging there and just can't decide what look I wanna have that day. I often leave the house feeling confident and pulled together.

At 275, I was finally able to put myself to sleep at night by fantasizing about the slim, sexy me I would be someday, and I woke up the next morning and struggled for hours to get going. I spent the day trying (usually, unsuccessfully, to stick to my resolve of eating right).

At 149, I pass out (pretty early) at night from the exhaustion of my intense workout and a day packed full of productiveness, and I wake up the next morning at 4:30-5:30, hop out of bed and work out. I spend my day concious of how the good food I'm putting in my body is helping to make me a healthier and happier person. When i do eat something "not right", it's a concious decision and I enjoy every last morsel of it with little to no guilt.

At 275, I looked at people who had lost weight and thought, "if they can do it, so can I!"

At 149, I look at people who haven't yet lost weight and think, "if I can do it, so can they!"

At 275, the prospect of any of this was so far fetched, especially the working out at 4:30 am and WANTING TO DO IT! I was the snooze button queen! It is all a process. Every good habit I have incorporated into my life started out as a thought. I entertained that thought for a while before I made it an action. I fell off the wagon and backslid all the time (I still do). But the whole saying "Two steps forward, One step back" is so very true. I am POSITIVE that I will continue to make mistakes, lose motivation, maybe even gain a pound or two. But I have made my wellbeing one of the main priorities and focuses of my life and that's what makes the difference. "Energy flows where attention goes." If you are focusing on being miserable, on how much you want pizza,on how fat you are, etc. THAT'S what your brain will make sure continues to be your focus. If you focus, rather, on how much you want to be fit and healthy and you spend time educating yourself and keeping these notions on the forefront of your mind THOSE will be the things that your brain makes sure continues to be your focus.

Bottom line, I did not change because I lost weight, I lost weight because I changed.


  1. It's great what you have done and I'm hoping to do that same (not get down to 147 but lose a lot of weight) and reading this helps me to keep going.

  2. Congratulations Tammi, you have done an amazing job!

  3. Congrats Tammi....It's a struggle but I'm holding on... Keep up the great work....

  4. Thank you for sharing your story. I was looking for some inspiration just now and your story provided it.

  5. Well done you! Was just looking for some inspiration as i am considering starting a blog and found this! my starting point and goal are the same as yours so VERY inspirational!! I have started on this road from trying to resolve emotional issues by getting healthier not just to get thinner! I have encorporated excercise in to my life everyday for over 3 months now and it has made a massive difference and i have also stopped smoking and drinking alcohol - i am still struggling with my food but i know i will get there!!! I just wondered how long has your journey taken??


  6. Just found your blog, really inspirational. I'm curious how tall are you?

  7. Good job! It is so inspiring...I am hoping to achieve the same. I would like to invite you to share your story in my blog too :)

    Best wishes,
    Healthy Beautiful Blog

  8. Dear Tammi,
    As i was reading your at 275 , i was thinking that's so me!! I am 165 pounds and I so want to be somewhere around 135-140 according to my height of 5 feet 5 inches. Every single thing in this post relates so much to me.. the point where you said that i didn't want to socialize is so "me" now a days...every time some old friend asks me to meet i always end up avoiding it thinking that i will meet them once i lose the weight.Even if I like something like a dress or even a pair of earrings, i say to myself I wont be going anywhere till i lose the extra weight so whats the use buying them now? I am avoiding parties,hanging out etc etc this all has resulted in depression and i have started to hate myself cos I am living a life on a PAUSE, waiting for the day when I'll lose all the extra weight and press the PLAY button again. I have gained about 20 pounds since the last year due to joining a new job which lead to major change in my lifestyle. But you have motivated me. I am going to make healthy changes to my life from now on. I understand that losing weight isn't something you can do in a day or months. From now on my PROCESS starts!!! thanks a lot for the motivation...and you look lovely :)

    1. That is so great!!! And, let me add, deciding to stop "hiding" and start living at my current weight really really helped me! I bought clothes that made me feel good at whatever weight I was and just put myself out there!

  9. Hi, Friend! Congratulations for your blog, It's really a great place!
    Have a nice monday!
    Warm regards from Brasil!

  10. Hi! I have been wanting to lose weight for a long time and I haven't really felt motivated. I weigh about the same as you did when you started changing yourself.

    I started a couple of weeks ago and I've been trying to really stay committed to it, but to be truthful, I was struggling. Now that I've read your entry. I know that it's possible and I'm going to do this. You've really inspired me to make myself better. Thank-you so much!

  11. Hi tammy, thank you for sharing your story. You may never know who needs to read one like yours...just when I needed it. Just like what youve said..."if you can do it, then i/we can do it too. :-)

  12. Great story!! I'm currently 175 and I'm in the last stages of my journey. A year and a half ago I weighed 250 lbs. I am 35 lbs from my goal weight, and to keep me motivated, all I do is look up success stories! I too felt the same way I 250! I hated going anywhere, I weighed more than my friends (that's saying something considering we were all over 200 lbs)! I now weigh at least 50 to 70 lbs less than them, and I get asked all the time for help from them but, they aren't ready, their mindset isn't where it needs to be! I have to admit, it felt good giving them all of my size 20 jeans.

  13. Tammy, I just came across your blog, which is somewhat ironic. My weight loss journey started at 277 pounds. I am now at 148. We could be weight loss twins! You're right...there is something about being under that 150 mark that just makes you feel better...and even further from 200. Enjoy your new life! I know I am enjoying mine. You can check out my blog as well. http://reshapingrachel.blogspot.com. I haven't written in a while, but plan to soon.

  14. That last line was great. I'm so glad I followed the link in your story at Weight Loss Success Stories. I'm just starting my own weightloss journey and need all the inspiration I can get... I have 50 more pounds to go to get to my 150 goal and then maybe I can break that barrier as well.

    Reducing Joy: A Weight Loss Journey

  15. why are women so threatened by other women who actually do the work to be fit?