That Old Feeling

I wanted to share this in hopes that it will infect someone else. Maybe create a spark.

Yesterday, I talked about how I had fallen so far from where I was a couple years ago. I have been struggling with apathy since my mother's death. Kinda just going through the motions and doing the bare minimum to maintain my weight and perhaps some portion of my health. 

I knew I had reached a turning point as I wrote, which is why I wanted to share. My complacency was quickly leading to some sort of illness. I could feel it! Everything was starting to hurt, from my shoulders to my gut. 

Well, turn a corner I did! 

The biggest thing I did yesterday was to work out harder than I had in two years! Almost anyone who has pushed themselves really hard can appreciate the phenomena I experienced that my husband disgustingly refers to as "lung butter" where your throat feels a little phlegmy and scratchy for the rest of the day. I seriously can't recall the last time I felt that way.

Quite honestly, I've wanted to be "still" in every sense of the word for a long time. I had to muster every bit of strength in me some days to do anything other than pull the blankets over me and not move at all for entire days at a time. 

When I really acknowledge this, I realize that I can't beat up on myself too much because I've struggled just to exist so much of this time lately. But the fog is lifting, and I'm feeling ready to jump feet first into life again. 

It's something about this time of year too. While New Year's and Spring seem like more likely times to get this shot of motivation, something about November/December really gets my change engine going. So change I will! 

And it all started yesterday! That workout was a metaphor for it all. I broke through all those layers of stillness and pushed myself to the absolute limit. And I mean absolute limit. I almost got sick and felt extremely dizzy. Now, while I don't suggest people need to do this in order to get a good workout, there was something in me that needed to go that far. I needed to feel that feeling in order to know my body was coming back alive again. 

And WOW what a difference it was when I was done. My mood, my mental clarity, my focus on my career, my focus on my son, my inspiration for everything else, my confidence, my appetite (reduced) and, most importantly, the pain I was feeling throughout my body....gone! I mean GONE!! I had become so scared to work out hard because I seemed to have kept injuring myself in various ways. And I guess yesterday could've gone way different and probably screwed me up (mentally) forever if I had gotten injured but I didn't! Not only did I not get injured but the pain I've been feeling in my right shoulder was almost cut in half immediately!! The ache in my back...gone! 

HOW do I keep forgetting all this?! 

So, now nutrition. Yesterday was definitely better but I have a long way to go to get back to the virtuous meals I was consuming two years ago before I met my beautiful husband who can eat anything and still look svelte, is strong as an ox and never gets sick. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame him in the least. I have always been an eating chameleon and will hook my wagon to anyone in the vicinity who looks like they're eating something tasty. 

However, I had honestly gotten to the point where a well-made healthy meal tastes waaaay better to me than the processed stuff I'm eating now. So I know what I need to do. I've done it so many times now I'm almost ashamed to admit it. Start crowding out the bad with the good. And that's what I started doing yesterday. I broke my fast with vegetables and then I allowed myself to have a little of the things my bratty taste buds were asking for. 

And today I'll take another baby step toward better eating. And the day after...

That's the cool thing about all this. The more times you do it, the easier it gets to get back on track. So, if you have fallen off the wagon yet again in any capacity, just know that you have more of a chance of success than you've ever had before. You've learned some tools and used them in the past. Your body and mind remember what healthy feels like and would love to get back there again. Use today to take one little baby step back toward your goals. Don't wait until New Year's Day! Yes, the holidays are here and you can even indulge! But that doesn't mean you can't do good things for yourself as well! Find that old feeling. If you've never felt it before...get some today!