Monday Morning Motivation: Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World

I guess it's the Libra in me. I am constantly trying to strike a balance in my life. I always feel like I'm teetering on extremes. However, the older I get and the harder I work on myself, the more I find myself slowly softening the movement of my scales. The closer I get to balance.

As I confront my own imbalances and face down my ego, which has become the theme of the moment for me, I become acutely aware of the ego in others.

A couple years ago I attended a yoga class with my mother at an upscale retreat center. The teacher was a beautiful woman probably in her 50s who was soft spoken and obviously wise. At the beginning of class she offered us some amazing insight on finding peace in the noise. She explained how we should encompass the noises in our lives, making them a part of who we are and find meditation in them.

It was all very deep and meaningful. Surely SHE had faced down her ego to be so wise and calm.

However, she decided at the last minute to change the theme of her class when I and one other person just happened to mentioned that we loved a nice, hard flow. I was kind of surprised that she would change her entire class just because we mentioned this in passing. She also seemed to fixate on the fact that there was a yoga teacher in the class and that I sometimes taught yoga myself.

While the beginning of her class, the part that obviously flowed from her heart, was meaningful and deep, the rest of the flow was sloppy and borderline annoying. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm far from a yoga snob. The first few years of my yoga experiences were at the YMCA which is about as far from elitist yoga as one can get. When I say it was sloppy, I mean, she kept stopping and just standing there and saying "ummmmm, I forgot what I was going to do next." She suddenly became very nervous and insecure. 

She also kept accidentally having us do work on the same side of our body. She acknowledged this and asked us to help her get us "evened out." However, when she was about to once again have us work the same side of our body, the student who was a yoga teacher spoke up and said, "no this is the wrong side." 

The yoga class went from slightly awkward and annoying to absolutely horrible when the yoga teacher lashed out at her and said "I'm not teaching it the way you do, this is a traditional yoga flow." It was obvious to all of us at that point that she changed gears and pretended like she was doing something else at that point instead of what she was clearly about to do a moment before which was once again work the same side of our body. It was also obvious, to me anyway, that she had been focused on the fact that there were teachers in the room that must be judging her instruction.

From that point on the class was a complete disaster. She spent the rest of the time trying to "even us out" to the point that we went directly from working hard to Savasana which, anyone who has done any amount of yoga knows, is definitely not traditional yoga. 

Here's the funny part about all this. I walked into that class knowing that it was supposed to be "gentle yoga." I made the comment about appreciating a fast, hard flow because I was trying to emphasize how much I need gentle yoga and how I have to force myself to slow down and just "be". But her ego took over. She felt judged. She felt like we would find her class lacking. Ironically enough, this fear is exactly what caused us all to find her class lacking.

So yeah, I judged her. But then I stepped back and found appreciation in the fact that this beautiful, usually calm and probably generally confident, woman who works for an upscale yoga studio, had a moment where the ugliness of her ego took over what I'm sure is the loveliness of her soul. 

It is comforting to realize. We are all victims to our egos. The best we can do is challenge and face them down every day of our lives. Because when we overcome them and practice just being our authentic selves, while we will never ever be everyone's perfect cup of tea, we will be lovely in our own right and people will sense that and find comfort in our presence and we will allow them to also be their authentic selves. What better gift is there to give ourselves and the world around us?

And the more we find this kind of self-acceptance that comes with being our most authentic selves, the more we will find ourselves feeling balanced and harmonious with the world around us.

I resolve to spend this week exploring my authentic self and finding beauty in everything I previously have considered unworthy. I hope you'll join me and your own exploration of authenticity.

Happy Monday,

Tammi

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