Whole30 Reset Day 22

In order for me to figure out what day I was on, I literally had to go back to my last post and count forward. Why? Because I'm no longer counting down the days. I'm no longer focused on food. I am focused on snowball fights, personal bests in my workouts, building my business, spending time with my family....you know, all the stuff that's way more important than food (and alcohol) but I somehow prioritized wrong. That's the thing with addiction. It makes no sense. It's prioritizing gone wrong. Someone who doesn't struggle can't understand. It may even seem silly. It's anything but.

At least when people struggle with drug addiction, society gets it. They get that drugs can control people and destroy lives. People with food addiction are either the butt of everyone's jokes or it is even dismissed as not an addiction at all. Overeating is looked at as pure gluttony. The obese are viewed as being lazy and lacking self control. People. Just. Don't. Get. It.

I do.

Just like any good addict, I got it in check several years ago. But I would compare where I had gotten to in recent months to that of a "functioning alcoholic." Someone who goes about their daily business and gets by just fine, drinking at night just enough to numb themselves but not so much that it affects the next day...that much anyway. But just like any other functioning addict, it began to creep more and more into my "daytime life" and show up. In my case, visibly on my body. My addiction was starting to show all over my body, which is pretty much impossible to hide.

I've done a lot of crying this month. Oddly enough, not about food. I've cried because I've allowed myself to, once again, feel the full spectrum of my emotions. Without going too much into detail, I've gone through some heavy shit in the last year! There were times when things looked very hopeless. Yet, somehow, I almost never cried. I think I've shed enough tears in the last 21 days to more than make up for that year.

Feelings are meant to be felt. We live in a society where we are told to "fake it til you make it." The "it" usually being "happiness". Post a picture of a cute kitten on Facebook and get 57 likes and 22 comments. Post something about your grandma's funeral and somehow people won't notice your post in their feed. You'll get almost nothing except the occasional "everything happens for a reason" or "she's in a better place." When what we should be saying is "you know what! Life sometimes sucks! Pain sucks! IT HURTS LIKE HELL to lose someone and it's completely normal and OKAY that you are in pain right now!"

We have GOT to acknowledge that pain and suffering are an inevitable part of life or addictions of all kinds will continue to devour our society because, make no mistake, we ARE still feeling the pain. We are just feeling it over and over again every time we feel it rise and run for cover.