Well, it's official. Only one week left to go. Seven more days. I am kind of nervous for it to come to an end. I have found comfort in the black and white rules of this program. I have gotten to a point where I am perfectly content with a Medjool date for dessert and where I don't view a sober Friday night as a depressing waste of a free evening....but I still don't feel "done". I feel like I need another 30 days to work through a couple things.
The alcohol is still an aspect I need to work on. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, an alcoholic. But I still find myself viewing alcohol in a less than healthy way. It's the same way that I view junk food. They are things of celebration that will make life better. Yes, I understand that food and spirits can absolutely be these things! But when you've struggled with an addictive personality and you've used these things to cope with life way too much, I think it's very important to always be aware of your attitude towards them.
So I'm thinking that instead of jumping feet first back into another Whole30, I'm going to very gradually reintroduce certain foods back into my diet and see how I feel. Alcohol, chips and sugar will be added dead last and not as a daily fixture.
This last week I am going to remove plantain chips, Epic products and Larabars completely from my diet. They weren't a huge part of it to begin with but I found myself eating them for enjoyment and comfort instead of convenience. Again, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with eating a food for enjoyment but I am on a mission to feel the full spectrum of my emotions as they occur and not to dull them with ANYTHING. And that anything could be anything from alcohol and food to Facebook and T.V. I am working on increasing my self-awareness.
Now! For my happy non-scale victory! I have a workout shirt that I haven't worn for the last couple of weeks because I didn't like how it had gotten a little snug on me. When I first bought it, it was almost too big but it totally worked! It fell perfectly on my hips and just looked super cute and unique. It had gotten to the point where it just looked odd and made me look a little frumpy. Well, yesterday I wasn't even thinking when I grabbed it and threw it on in a rush. I never even noticed the difference until I got up in front of a class to teach and saw myself in the mirror. It fit correctly again!!!! I can't tell you how much that affected my energy through the rest of the class! It made me aware that I'm feeling so much lighter on my feet now! The heavy feeling is close to being gone. Very close.
This week I have some decisions to make. I feel like I'm sooooo close to being in a good place with food and alcohol but I just don't quite feel like I'm there yet. I'm hoping this next week of cutting out basically ALL prepackaged foods will help me with this but if it doesn't, I may just have to do this thing over again. I will NOT be ruled by food, alcohol or any other silly unworthy thing or person again! I deserve nothing more than to be liberated from every silly, secular thing in this world that threatens to tear me down and makes my life anything less than amazing, no, magical! We all do!