Real Life: Day 1??

My first "cheat breakfast".....100% Whole30 compliant!

A LOT has happened since my last post. Thursday afternoon I decided for sure that I was going to start a new Whole30. I talked a little in my last post about why I was doing this. More than anything, I was scared. I was scared to release myself back into the big wide world of CHOICES. While I don't know if fear is necessarily a healthy place to operate from, I still feel like this decision was coming from a healthy place or, rather, a desire to be healthy.

However, my next decision, I'm not sure if it was entirely unhealthy or some old thought pattern that had to be broken. I decided I was going to go off the Whole30 plan completely (on day 25) from Thursday evening until Monday morning when I would start my new Whole30. 

Now, at no point did I intend to completely throw down but I definitely thought I'd have some "food fun" over the weekend. 

So Thursday afternoon, I'm ready to cut loose. I go ahead and eat my Whole30 compliant lunch because I was at work and it was packed. I run home before going to get my son to drop a few things off and walk into the kitchen to grab a snack. I look around the kitchen, realizing I can eat whatever I want! The Beanito chips that have been calling my name for almost 30 days, cheese, one of Gino's Pumpkin Pie protein bars that I really love....I settle on an Apple Pie flavored Larabar (also Whole30 compliant). I just literally couldn't find anything worth not feeling good after I ate it!

That evening I finally have my first "cheat". On the way to Zumba I drink 1/4 of a preworkout drink. I probably missed pre-workouts more than anything. I usually use one that's sweetened with stevia and doesn't have any artificial chemicals in it. However, I couldn't find mine so I just grabbed a tiny serving of one of Gino's.

After Zumba came my happy moment. I would finally get to order one of my gym's AMAZING peanut butter chocolate protein shakes! This has for a long time now been the highlight of my workout. I honestly should've stopped at my first sip. I had Gino taste it to confirm that it didn't taste any different than usual. It was NOT GOOD! I manged to get about half of it down on the drive home because I was starving but couldn't stomach any more. This morning after our workout, I easily, without a second thought, told Gino "no" when he went to order a shake and asked if I wanted one. No more shakes for me....or should I call them, icy cold chemical drinks. Ugh.

The next day was going to be crazy busy so I decided not to eat any Whole30 non-compliant meals because I wanted to be "on" for all my clients. In fact, until last night, my one and only "cheat" all day was a Kevita which is ridiculously healthy and I just couldn't have on the Whole30 because it has stevia listed as the 2nd to last ingredient. It required zero willpower because I just wanted to feel good all day!

Then last night (the infamous Free Friday) arrived. After an entire day of not cheating at all I was ready to do some good ole cheatin! And I did. We went to a local pub and ordered hot wings and fries. I had three hot wings and a half a basket of fries....and a water. That food was soooooo good and I enjoyed every last bite. We ordered a second basket of fries and took almost all of it home. I have had no interest in eating them since. 

Then I finally decided that I would break the seal and have alcohol. I had about 2 shots of rum and I was DONE! It was a pleasant buzz. Ordinarily this would be the portion of the evening where I would want an even better buzz but it, again, required ZERO willpower because I wanted to feel good when I woke up this morning.

Well, jokes on me. I felt like shit! 

I woke up with a horrible headache and my stomach feeling a little funky. Ordinarily I would BS my way through a workout and then somehow justify a greasy "hangover breakfast". However, this time, especially since I didn't feel SO horrible, having stopped at two shots and not gone as overboard as in the past on junk food, I was able to push through and get a pretty decent workout. 

After my workout, I hit a couple health food stores and stocked up on some great meat and such then I called in an order to one of my favorite local fairly healthy places. They make the best pulled pork, grilled cheese, siracha sandwich with avocado....I didn't get that. I ordered a veggie plate. Miso broccoli, maple brussels sprouts and tomato basil soup. My new form of cheating was just being able to ask, "is it real maple syrup and real tomatoes?" (because I suddenly cared about the answer) and then just eat it...no further questions required. And I decided, instead of a side of their amazing pulled pork, I'll be eating my veggies with a free-range chicken thigh I'm reheating as I type. 

I had decided on Thursday that I would take my son out for frozen yogurt this weekend because this is something we've both really loved doing for a while now. Instead I've decided that we are going to make some paleo cookies together using local honey I received in my CSA box this week. 

All of this has come together in a decision that I feel so at peace with. I will NOT be starting another Whole30 on Monday. Doing this program helped me SO SO much and I have no doubt that I will do it again in the future. It forced me to really get back in touch with my emotions surrounding food and find more constructive ways to deal with them. It helped me learn just how good I can feel when I nourish my body properly....instead of getting pretty darn healthy....with a side of chips at most meals. It truly reset my body and my mind.

However, while it helped me fix so many aspects of my relationship with food, it threatened to create new problems if I kept living in my Whole30 bubble. I want to be able to cook and eat paleo cookies with my son. I want to be able to order veggies and not think that it's so horrible that they are prepared in organic, fermented soy (miso) soup. And, on the flip side, I don't want to convince myself I'm somehow being healthy by putting away a couple servings of plantain chips before dinner. 

At this moment in my life, I feel so in control and at peace with my relationship with food. I WANT to eat REAL food! Not because a program is telling me to but because it feel SO AMAZINGLY GOOD! It tastes better than the fake stuff almost always and even when the tastes that were created in a lab for the sole purpose of getting me addicted just happen to fool my taste buds, they can no longer fool my mind! 

OH! And I lost 12 pounds!