So I promised on my Facebook page today that I'm going to go back to my blogger roots of being completely and unabashedly honest about my life. A great place to start is with an ongoing affair I've been having. Very few people have been aware of this until now. This affair has hurt me many times and seems to get worse as time goes on. However, I willingly go back for more. It's as if I am drawn back, powerless to the allure of it. I just can't help it. It makes me feel so good. Yet, soon after, it makes me feel so bad.
The object of my unquenchable desire? Cheese.
I love it. I mean I LOVE it. Ooey Gooey hot sharp cheddar calls to me. Little hunks of feta make a good salad a great salad. A meal seldom feels complete without cheese. Not a big deal, right? Well, no, not right. In addition to it comprising WAY too many calories of my diet, it makes me feel bad after I eat it. My stomach starts cramping, my sinuses swell up, my throat gets sore and I feel an overall sensation that I can only describe as "yuck".
WHY can't a quit cheese?! I have conquered postpartum depression with diet and exercise. I have lost 100+ pounds "the old fashion way" and gained crazy muscle. And throughout my life I've cut out cigarettes, soda, diet soda, energy drinks, sugar, bread, soy products and about anything else tasty you can think of. What is the allure of cheese that makes it so impossible to kick?
Well, from what I've been researching lately regarding food intolerance (which is what I quite obviously have), we tend to crave the foods that hurt us the most. It's something about the body preparing itself for the assault the food is about to make on our bodies so it releases some happy hormones or something. Whatever the cause, I can't seem to cut the cheese (actually I can....quite often after eating it actually...oh come on, you can't have a cheese post without a good "cutting the cheese" pun).
Here's my theory as to why....I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD!!!! Okay, that's not true. I have exercise, I have people who I can laugh and have fun with, a son that lights up my life, good movies/books that help me grow and the occasional alcoholic indulgence (yes, yes, I know, more on this another time). Okay, but cheese is the only thing I have left that really really makes my mouth happy! And exercise is awesome but you can't melt it on veggies and make them taste delicious.
And, keep in mind, because I refuse to cut out the healthy foods that my body actually needs, it's also making me go over my calorie limit each day. In fact, the only reason I don't gain weight and can actually still see improvements in my body is because I work out like a mad woman and practice intermittent fasting. Otherwise, I have no doubt that my little love affair with cheese would be written all over my body.
What's a cheese lovin' girl to do?
Well, I think I will start by keeping it out of the house, which I do more and more often. I will ask my loved ones to nag me about my cheese consumption in their presence, I will pay close attention to how unbelievably shitty I feel after I eat it (which should be enough!!), I will continue to educate myself on why it is not healthy for me (although I eat raw organic cheese for the most part so the evidence isn't stunningly horrible against it) and I will continue to be open and honest about it on my blog and Facebook page until I feel mounting pressure to quit if for no other reason to save face but, ideally, to inspire and motivate others to kick their bad habits as well.